INNATE Blog

‍If someone said to you that you could have your 10 year dream, what would your wishes include? Maybe it would be material success (a glamorous house, successful job etc etc), but one thing common to all answers would be a fruitful social network of some kind: a loving family or a group of truly supportive friends. Who we surround ourselves with and how we connect to them, is essential in shaping our quality of life. All the riches in the world can’t buy the love shared through a meaningful connection.

The issue is that we often show the worst version of ourselves to the people that are around us the most. How ironic! We lash out at the very people that we should be connecting best with. More often than not, those moments of anger or frustration arise from being triggered, rather than a fundamental change in our feelings towards that person. Yet, these types of outbursts are the memories that people harbour, therefore limiting the way we connect to loved ones, or worse, drive people away.

The key to a meaningful connection is to respond rather than react. You can still deal with issues, but instead of triggering and entering a shouting match, you give yourself space to respond; you breathe and kindly ask your other half to do the damn washing up!

But how? How do we train ourselves to respond rather than react? How do we overcome the things that trigger us so deeply we just want to scream? It all starts with self-reflection: we need to reflect to be able to connect.

Through self-reflection we connect with ourselves, thereby providing a sturdy foundation to connect with others. When we tune into ourself, it becomes evident when we are behaving from an emotion that is not truly us. In fact, it also becomes obvious when we are projecting our issues onto other people. Hubbs and Brand (2005) note that journaling acts as a ‘vehicle for inner dialogue that connects thoughts, feelings, and actions’. Through this process of self-reflection, we make sense of ourselves. Is it really that annoying that someone didn’t do the dishes, or are you still peeved at how you were treated at work? When we are connected to ourselves, we can discern our emotions and connect more richly to those around us.

Imagine having this extraordinary, ordinary skill. Never reacting, only responding with a level head. Now imagine how your relationships would look. How much more fruitful would they be if you could choose how you interacted with those around you, placing love at the forefront?

Here are 3 steps to build meaningful connections:

1. Dream. Create your 10 year dream. Consider whether your relationships are heading in the direction you desire.
2. Notice. As you go about your day, notice each time you react flippantly to those around you. (I bet you it will be more than you think. Humans have an incredible ability to forget)
3. Journal. By this stage the need to change will be self-evident. Indeed, it’s time to reflect, to connect.

‍Self reflection offers you the opportunity to live a life full of meaningful connections. I would say it’s worth a punt, so download the INNATE App today.

If you are tired of snapping at loved ones and you know that you are not connecting meaningfully to those around you, you must re-calibrate. Self-reflection enables you to discern who you are, how you are with others and thus shape how you will be once you stop reacting and start responding.

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